F-Bomb

F-BOMB



International Women's Day (IWD) on 8th March reminded me of the days back in the 80s when, as an ardent feminist, us sistas used to send each other solidarity post cards with captions such as "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle". I wonder if women still do that sort of thing. I suppose not. It seems that IWD barely gets a mention at all anymore. It used to be one of the highlight conscious-raising days of the year when us sisters gathered for deep and meaningful discussion on sexual and gender politics (often over a lentil stew, beansprout salad and red wine.). Hairy legs and armpits were trendy, heaven forbid wearing lipstick, and a Brazilian was someone who lived in South America! Some of us went everywhere barefoot and rode a bicycle and, of course, most of us were vegetarian. But then feminism seems to have changed somewhat over the years.

The other day I asked my 17 year old daughter and her friend what they know about feminism. "Is that when those crazy ladies chained themselves to the fence to get the vote?" I explained that there have been waves of feminism. The suffragette stage in the early 20th century was the first wave, my active feminist days in the 80s were part of the second wave and now, apparently, we're in the third wave of feminism, or Lipstick Feminism. "Is that like a Tsunami then!" was the reply! A feminist tsunami - now there's a thought.

But on probing deeper, I found very little nurturing instincts with either of them. The thought of having babies horrified them, they don't want them, they want careers and babies will get in the way.…. But most of all they want to earn lots of money and have fun!

Second wave feminism empowered many women but it also generated a backlash stimulating negative stereotypes of what it means to be a feminist. Lipstick feminist find it sexually empowering to wear make up, dress up and hold feminist values. Women argue that by taking control of their sexuality from wearing short skirts to pole dancing they are empowering themselves and women in general. So now its OK for women to call each other "bitch" because they've taken control of the word. It seems anything goes as long you find it empowering (so if having a facelift and tummytuck empowers you then that's ok … hmmm? Perhaps if it can be pain free too?)

When I said to my daughter that now we're in the Lipstick Feminism wave she seemed reasonably happy to be part of that wave. But then she's got more attitude than her petite blond bombshell can handle and I'd say she's more part of the Grrrlll Power movement. All that attitude will, I'm sure, stand her in good stead. For her its automatic that she will go to university and do a science degree, whereas in my generation if it was a career especially anything to do with science you could become a nurse. And then that career would be put on hold while you raise your family. Little does she know that her sense of entitlement now is because of all the hard won struggles of the previous generations?

I have to say that I have always been true to my feminist ideals, have never been dependant on a man and have always worked through raising my three children. But everything seemed a struggle, from going to university, to climbing the rungs of a career and constantly hitting that glass ceiling. Many women have felt conned by feminism (perhaps in the second wave) when they believed they could have it all - the career, the children, the relationship, the power! When I found myself still hanging up the laundry at midnight after a long hard day's work and sleepless nights you don't feel like a superwoman, just super exhausted! Yet I would not want it any other way and have been glad to have grown up in a generation where women have informed choices and opportunities.

Since its birth Women's Day has grown to become a global day of recognition and celebration across developed and developing nations. There is now a significant change and attitudinal shift in women and society's thoughts about women's equality and emancipation. Younger generations may feel that all the battles have been won but unfortunately women are still not paid equally and globally education, health and violence against them is worse than that of men. Women are still largely absent from key decision-making positions in business and politics.

Still 1.3 billion people live in absolute poverty and majority are women, women work two thirds of the worlds working hours but earn only one tenth of the world's income and nearly a billion people in the world are illiterate, two thirds of them women. A women still dies every minute as a result of problems in pregnancy and childbirth and the vast majority are preventable. One in three women worldwide is beaten, coerced into sex and it is estimated that 100 million females are missing from the planet as a result of sex-selective abortion, discriminatory nutrition and routine violence against women, a 'gendercide" that far exceeds the genocides of the 20th century. Violence against women and the violation of women's rights are global problems.

But girls these days are outstripping boy's performance at school and (in the UK) there's been a five-fold increase in the number of women who earn more than their partners over the last generation. And the numbers of women in charge of the purse strings is likely to rise as a result of the recession which sees a greater proportion of men losing their jobs and women able to multitask with several part time jobs. Ironically for many its not a matter of choice but necessity and not necessarily empowering, just often very frustrating and exhausting as bills need to be paid. The rise of so-called breadwinning wives has led to a number of support groups for men. Men call each other "Brother" and "Bro" these days, a bit like us Sisters back in the second wave. Perhaps these support groups will grow into conscious-raising groups calling for a World Men's Day (WMD). But lets hope that this doesn't become confused with Weapons of Mass Destruction something very easily done.

Sexy lies

Sexy lies


If I was a British taxpayer I would be annoyed at the use of good public money spent on the Chilcot Inquiry into the Iraq War. Six years after the invasion into Iraq there have been three inquiries. We know that yet another inquiry is not going to change anything. The damage has been done. We know that the truth about the threat of Weapons of Mass Destruction (WMD's) was exaggerated. The inquiry will be at best a gentle prodding and at worst an admonishing for sexing up "that dossier".

It has been a disastrous war. No WMD's were discovered after the war despite Tony Blair telling Parliament there was "no doubt" they were in Iraq somewhere. Over a million Iraqi people have been killed with five million refugees, of which the US have taken a handful (69 people granted refugee status in the US by 2007). At least 2,000 Iraqi doctors have been killed and 250 kidnapped. At least 179 British soldiers have been killed and many hundreds more injured. The war has cost the British public some $8.4 billion, in excess of $1 billion a year. Think how well this money could have served the failing NHS. Instead, it has served to increase the Jihad against the West and brought Islamic terrorism to Mainland Britain.

This is what is so annoying. I and many others were vehemently against the War and argued vociferously against the misguided need to invade Iraq as some kind of solution to the War on Terror. Saddam Hussein was a tyrant. But there are many tyrants in the world that the West doesn't unilaterally invade. Iraq had nothing to do with the 9/11 terrorist attack on New York. It was obviously a knee jerk reaction with the added bonus of freeing up the oil supplies in one of the largest oil supplying countries in the world.

When US forces were mobilising around the borders of Iraq and the drum roll beat grew louder and louder I and many others had heated discussions and arguments with friends and family alike in opposition to military action against Iraq. It was obvious to me and thousands of others (you did not need to be a rocket scientist or a UN arms inspector) to know that the invasion into Iraq was not going to solve the war on terror. In fact we knew it would worsen it.

Round the Cabinet table were doubters like International Development Secretary Clare Short insisting Mr Blair should "not divert from the UN route" and must resist joining any unilateral military action by the US. Robin Cook, Leader of the House of Commons and a leading cabinet sceptic, resigned in protest saying "In principle I believe it is wrong to embark on military action without broad international support. In practice I believe it is against Britain's interest to create a precedent for unilateral military action". Gordon Brown held on to a very long silence. Amongst church leaders, Dr Rowan Williams, the Archbishop of Canterbury was early to voice his deep doubts as to the wisdom of military action. Cardinal Cormac Murphy O'Connor, leader of the Catholic church in England and Wales made clear his disquiet over going to war with Saddam as have Church of England Bishops, the Pope and other religious leaders.

It was why hundreds of thousands of people took to the streets of London to voice their opposition to military action against Iraq. In February 2003 there was the UK's biggest ever demonstration with at least 750,000 people taking part although organisers put the figure close to 2 million. There were also anti-war gatherings in Glasgow and Belfast with hundreds of rallies and marches in up to 60 countries. This all came as Tony Blair gave warnings of "bloody consequences" if Iraq was not confronted. He did not "seek unpopularity as a badge of honour" he said, but "sometimes it is the price of leadership and the cost of conviction". To which the crowd responded sounding horns and banging drums waving slogans "No War on Iraq" and "Make Tea, Not War". From Stop the War Coalition, the Campaign for Nuclear Disarmament, the Muslim Association they all converged to the rally in protest.

Some of the comments of ordinary people held up banners reading "Bush and Blair, A Good Christian will never Kill". Other high profile supporters were writer Tariq Ali, ex-minister Mo Mowlam, Ken Livingstone, Vanessa Redgrave, Bianca Jagger and MP Tony Benn. Harold Pinter made a rare public speech saying America was "a country run by a bunch of criminal lunatics with Tony Blair as a hired Christian thug!"

I can understand embellishing the truth on occasion. We all do this from time to time: to make a story more interesting, to engage with your audience, to sell a product.
But when you are the leaders of a democratic and free country such as Great Britain the need to embellish a story about weapons of mass destruction in order to gather support for a parliamentary vote to take a whole country to war is just plain irresponsible. Every word has the power of a bullet. Not only were events engineered to take a whole country to war in a gung-ho guns a-blazing way but there was no deep analysis about the complexity of that country nor a realistic exit strategy. That is just foolhardy. Hence the mess we are in today. Winning a war is not only about invading it, its about winning hearts and minds, neither of which have been won in Iraq nor the UK. But its particularly won the hatred of the hearts and minds in the Islamic world.

The day suicide bombers came to mainland UK was a very dark day. The gloss of living in London was forever changed. I was never able to travel on the underground in the same sort of way, often with complete fear and trepidation. To be blown to pieces in the depths of a dark tunnel (or worse to lie maimed in darkness with rats running over you) was too horrendous to contemplate. Even travelling on the bus sitting next to someone with a holdall and headphones became unsettling. Its just too easy. How can you argue against a suicide bomber who carry out these horrific acts with the promise of martyrdom, glory and 70 virgins in the afterlife - perhaps the biggest sexed up lie of all time.

Tipping the Scales

Tipping the Scales

The first topic of my blog came to me as we approached the new year when my nearest and dearest (Phil) gave me a set of scales for my Christmas present which I assumed was a bit of a hint that I needed to shed a few kilos. My Rubenesque-like figure was becoming a bit, well, too Rubenesque what with all the festive season bingeing. However, on trying out the scales - the electronic kind which are brutally honest and you just can't believe that can be right kind - I began to notice that my nearest and dearest was taking more than an active interest in them and I should have then realised that the scales were perhaps more for him that they were for me!

So fresh back from our delightful little holiday where we enjoyed many indulgent BBQ's and chilled Pinot Gris on a sun drenched deck, I announced that I was going to go on a fasting diet which involved sipping a detox drink for five to seven days or even 10 days if you could cope with it, no tea or coffee or alcohol. The blurb claimed that I could lose 3-6 kg over this time. Now despite doing boot camp training up and down the beach for several weeks before the Christmas break and through sheer hard work and total exhaustion and a very restrictive diet I had only managed to lose about 2 kg which over Christmas had gone straight back on again. Phil had also been following the diet with me - high protein and low carbs - and doing lots of swimming and so was in reasonable shape but was becoming increasingly obsessive about his stomach. (Middle aged men do tend to become a tad obsessed about their middle aged spread). He would squeeze a moderate little roll of fat around the stomach and say emphatically that this is what had to come off. Despite me telling him that he is in pretty good shape he wanted to know all about my diet so that he could do it too and shed a few kilos. At this point we were both around the same weight but I was feeling increasingly large and becoming slightly concerned that I was at risk of becoming bigger than him. (What is it about women that if they can help it they find it disconcerting to be larger than their man!)

Now when Phil said he would do the fasting diet with me I was a bit sceptical as he's never been a day without coffee or a beer let alone food. It was going to be hard enough for me as I have very rarely gone without a cup of tea or two every morning. All very well, I thought, good to have the encouragement. Besides, I have told Phil time and time again that he's looking very good especially for a man approaching 50. You have the body of a 20 year old, I've told him to which he purred with delight. It was the tiny little roll of fat on his middle that he would pull up and down and say this is what he has to get rid of. But, I said, what about doing a few sit-ups and perhaps its just a bit of sagging skin …. Well that comment went down like a dead weight!

Now fasting occurs across many cultures and is an integral part of many of the major religions including Islam, Judaism and Christianity. There is a belief that fasting can do wonders for the human body apart from shedding a few kilos. When food is no longer entering the body, the body turns to fat reserves for energy. Human fat is valued at 3,500 calories per pound, a number that would lead one to believe that surviving on one pound of fat every day would provide a body with enough energy to function normally. Another benefit of fasting is the healing process that begins in the body. Energy is diverted away from the digestive system due to its lack of use and towards the immune system. There is often a reduction in body temperature but often a feeling of rejuvenation and extended life expectancy. Apparently there is an anti-aging hormone released more frequently and produced more efficiently. (I like the sound of that, bring it on!) A study was performed on earthworms that demonstrated the extension of life due to fasting. One worm was isolated and put on a cycle of fasting and feeding. The isolated worm outlasted its relatives by 19 generations while still maintaining its youthful traits. The worm was able to survive on its own tissue for months. Once the size of the worm began to decrease, the scientists would resume feeding it at which point it showed great vigour and energy. The life-span extension of these worms was the equivalent of keeping a person alive for 600 to 700 years. (Not that I wish to be compared to an isolated worm or live 6-700 years).

So into day one and then day two of our fast, starting off with vigorous dry skin brushing before a morning shower to get the circulation going and then just sipping our detox drinks for the rest of the day. Nowadays in our instant fast food world where we have instant gratification for everything it began to be quite an interesting lesson of self control and discipline not to put some food in your mouth. And it sure took a lot of self control. In fact it was damn hard! Mahatma Gandi was an ardent advocate of fasting as a way to change character and to find joy in the present replacing the relentless compulsion to get and to have. For Gandhi "hurry and overwork are always sins". Even the Zulus have a saying "The continually stuffed body cannot see secret things". Have we perhaps lost ourselves in a maze of desire destined to bring us only ignorance and misery. I was about to find out if I could build a road to higher levels of consciousness that rip away the blinding shrouds of ignorance.

By the second day I already began to feel lighter and the scales began to go into reverse mode. It was so exciting! Phil - who could not believe that he had gone through two days without eating or having a beer - was not feeling too good, aching bones all a bit like flu. But on waking in the morning, the first thing he did was bounce out of bed and jump on the scales and then come beaming into the bedroom with the latest lost kg news. The weight was just falling off him - well it does on a man doesn't it - and he was now officially smaller than me! Grrr!

And now the kids started to take bets on who would be the first to break the fast as Phil announced that this is good and he could go the whole 10 days on this diet. (mmm …. Interesting where the word breakfast comes from). We're not competing I retorted. In the beginning when the diet was my idea I was going to do it for 5 - 7 days. What is it about male machismo that they have to turn everything into a competition? What is this, a race for the perfect BMI? And he was drinking all my detox mixture so now it had run out and I had to go to the other side of town to buy another pack. (Suppliers had run out as everyone is dieting at this time of year.)

On day three and four the diet was taking its toll on our mind and bodies in slightly different ways. Perhaps its a sign of a good marriage when you find it quite fascinating to discuss each other's intimate and varying bodily functions. Its certainly very bonding. Phil was becoming increasingly vain and admiring himself in the mirror especially his now very slim stomach. I was wondering how much smaller he wanted to get. You don't want to go getting too small now do you? I asked cautiously. And then, because I was getting rather tired of a persistent dull headache, how much longer do you want to go on this for? But Phil squeezed his midriff saying "Its this blub I want to get rid of, I think we should go the full 10 days". Aaargh!

One of the most fascinating things about doing this type of fast is how much more time you have on your hands when its not spent cooking and eating. I am so used to spending my time in the evenings, cooking and eating and chilling out with a glass or two of wine and I suppose becoming a bit of a couch potato. Without any of this activity (apart from cooking quick kids meals) there was so much more time available. I found myself needing to be busy with my hands, picking things up and tidying things around the house, sorting out my cupboards, doing some gardening and playing my ukulele. One night I even gave myself a manicure and pedicure, something I would only have done on a very lazy Saturday. I watched several videos and didn't fall asleep on the couch. Often, come midnight I was still wide awake reading my book in bed. In fact, we both were, engrossed in our books and sipping Senna leaf tea, the companionable silence being broken by the sounds of rumbling gurgling stomachs. There is something faintly comical about resting your ear on your nearest and dearest's stomach listening to the deep groans and growls of the bowels, although I can't say its erotic. My heart, often prone to neurotic palpitations, was quiet and calm and in a happy contented space, as I, often with reflective contemplative thoughts, slipped into a deep restorative sleep.

As each day passed, we both became increasingly self absorbed and obsessed with our bodily functions and changing body shape. I too was obsessively weighing myself and finding the scales dropping every day was immensely satisfying. In fact it was thrilling! By the fifth day I did begin to long for the sensation of some food in my mouth so I had a grapefruit. It felt quite radical. The taste was sensational. I savoured every little segment of flesh with a veneration I've never had before. It is said that there is nothing routine about eating after a fast. Each meal is a celebration as fasting heightens your awareness as well as an appreciation for food and we learn to eat with reverence.

Our fast eased off after a week and we were both lighter and more invigorated than ever before. I lost about 3-4kg and Phil 6kg (weight does drop off a man so much more easily - its not fair!) Our food bill certainly came down and our usually overflowing recycling bin was empty. It certainly made us aware of how much we usually consume. Its been a great way to start the year, to have the opportunity to pause, reflect and decide how to conduct our lives in a new more positive direction. That and the fact that my thighs don't chafe (as much) when I walk anymore!

The Hauraki Corner

Happy New Year to Twenty Ten and welcome to my first blog. It is my new year's resolution to this year start up a blog writing about views and musings of all sorts and get my creative writing juices going. I can't say just yet what I will write about but I aim to put at least one piece of writing per month on my blog. It will of course be great to have comments and views from any of you folks out there in cyberspace who might read it.


rosie